mellicious: pink manicure (winter snowflake)
I was teasing Col earlier (gently, I hope) about the title of his journal entry today - "Lonely, Sick, Tired, and Desperate" - but I tell you, that's about how I feel right now. Well, minus the sick part - but the rest of it applies at the moment. My mom is having surgery in the morning and I didn't get to talk to her today, and my mind is insisting on dwelling on all the things that could go wrong tomorrow. I don't even know where she is - she had doctor's appointments all day today, including one that didn't even start until 6:00 or 7:00 tonight, and so she and Art were talking about spending the night up there, but I don't know if they really did. And I certainly can't call at this time of the night to find out. And - I guess this is the Lonely part - there's nobody to talk to this time of night, either. I think somebody to commiserate with would help. Last week there were people in chat until all hours of the night, but this week everybody's back at work and so chat is empty. (So you guys get to hear me whine instead. So to speak.) I guess if I were truly desperate I could go find a chat somewhere with people in it, but I haven't come to that point so far. I'm just going to go to bed and hope that I can sleep. If not, I might be looking for that chatroom yet!
mellicious: pink manicure (autumn - fall leaves orange)
Apparently it's too early for pansies. And it probably is too hot for them, now that I think about it. (It's been hot as hell, actually.) So of course I ended up with some other plants. I wouldn't quite say buying plants is a mania with me, but it does seem to be somewhat addictive. I have a porchful as it is. But I do have some empty pots, so I have room - apparently - for another kalanchoe, 3 snapdragons (because they did so well last year), a mum (even though they did not) and a 6-pack of petunias. I didn't even spend $10. A fairly cheap shopping trip, on the whole.

And I did feel better today, at least off and on. And at least part of the "on" was from the heat. Oh, and cramps, on top of that. (Sorry if that's TMI. But oh my god, do I hate cramps.) So hopefully I was right about the Ambien.
mellicious: pink manicure (madness)
I've been in the strangest mood today. Actually I've been in the strangest mood all week. I've been bored and restless and whiny, and I don't know why. I would say I'm PMSing except that I've never been prone to that at all. If I'm bitchy, I'm bitchy all the time. Maybe it's the heat. Maybe it's the Ambien I've been taking all week. Maybe it's all of the above.

I've whined at Columbine, I've whined at the board, I've whined at Rob. And all three have done a pretty good job of temporarily snapping me out of it, actually. I still really have no idea what's going on, though. I think I'm going to quit taking the Ambien (which I intended to do anyway; I can't take it forever) and see if that helps. Which means I probably won't sleep at all well tonight, but that can't be helped. I thought about looking up the side effects of it to see what it says, but those lists usually include everything in the world and make you crazy. My mother says Ambien gave her nightmares. If it gives me nightmares, though, I sleep right through them and don't remember them.

I really just got this idea about the Ambien a while ago; it hadn't even occurred to me til then. That's really the simplest, easiest-to-fix solution, so I hope it turns out to be the right one. (Sex also helped a lot, but you can't do that all the time, can you? Well, you can try, but you still have to go to work eventually!)

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