mellicious: pink manicure (Xmas - pink aluminum)
It's officially winter. According to my phone (which seems to be fairly accurate as far as I can tell), it's 57F outside, and is supposed to be in the 40s at night for almost the whole next week, which is relatively chilly by our - admittedly wimpy - standards. We've had a lot of rain the past few days, so it's wet and chilly, yuck.

It hasn't been a good week, which is sort of typical for me for this time of year, really. I talked a week or so ago about having SAD, but then I also just tend to be sick this time of year - more often after Christmas than before, really. And of course it's really hard to sort those two things out - do you get depressed because you're sick, or vice versa? I really think it can work either way, and it's one of those things that's a complex interplay that people (being people, and impatient) have a tough time sorting out. 

Anyway, I haven't been to work since Monday. Monday I almost burst into tears at work - my boss was in a bad mood, and I was in a bad mood and/or sick and/or weepy... I cried through Hugo on Sunday, more than was really warranted, that was the first sign there, and then Monday in the Starbuck's drive-through the lady in front of my paid for me, and I barely got away from the window before I burst into tears again. I've been prone to that sort of hormonal-fueled (presumably) weepiness off and on the last couple of years. Who knows, I'm at menopause age and there's no telling what's going on with my hormones. I suspect I wasn't really needed at work for the most part, because there were things going on with the boat this week and I'm not involved with that. (I'm avoiding being specific about that, sorry.) I'm doing some work from home, in any case, more as the week has gone on, so it's not like I'm slacking off completely. And thank goodness, the tendency to weep at the drop of a hat seems to have slacked off a bit. I really do hate that.


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I haven't played a lot of SWTOR except when Col is around - not because I don't enjoy it, but more because I am feeling the press of Other Things I Ought To Be Doing. I did get the last of the cards mailed the other day. I have some little bracelets I found to give my female aunts and cousins - they're cute, and they were inexpensive, and that may be all they get right now. I told my aunt that I was just doing token gifts for everybody anyway. Most of the rest of them ought to be doing the same thing - I know my cousins in particular don't have any money right now. So I need to quit stressing over that and just wrap the bracelets and get over it. I have the gift cards for the kids. I haven't gotten my dad and my sister (who I probably won't be seeing anyway) anything... which seems weird. Maybe I'll order my dad something off of Amazon. Actually, maybe I should do that now - it might not get there til after Christmas but oh well. In past years we have gone to see my dad and his wife sometime the week after Christmas, say, and hung out at their house for an afternoon. But we saw them at Thanksgiving (which is unusual) and I've got to work next week so nothing like that may happen. And my sister is in San Antonio (some 250 miles away) and we really have stopped exchanging gifts, anyway. I sent her a card, and I'll call both her and my dad on Christmas Eve (tomorrow, oy vey) or Christmas Day, but that's about all we do. P. works retail so she probably has to work all week next week as well.

Despite the tone of what I wrote above, I'm not particularly depressed. I've been enjoying the making and sending of cards this year - and receiving them, a lot of them (thank you, Weet and TUS exchanges for that!) - Rob comes in with the mail and says, "Another one for Mel" - that's how we know they're cards from the "online people". (I increasingly am wanting everybody to call me Mel rather than my real name, but that's another whole discussion. My cardmaking group does call me Mel, but they're the only real-life people who do.)

Anyway, I may or may not get updates in in the next few days but - I hope everybody is enjoying your holidays, whether it's Hannukah, Yule, Solstice, Christmas or whatever!


mellicious: pink manicure (Xmas - CB tree)
I was coming to write something about depression and I got sidetracked by [livejournal.com profile] cleolinda talking about her depression, and part of the zillion comments that follow it - I'm not normally a big reader of other people's comments but I occasionally make an exception for hers. And these were mostly along the yes! yes! yes! lines but in a good way - the "I recognize this" way. Not that this is news for most people nowadays, but I really think depression still gets overlooked a lot, and even when it doesn't there are still a lot of people who don't think it's a "real" disease.


What I was really going to write about was how the weather seems to be affecting me lately. I'm working part-time in an office with a lovely view of expensive boats, and that's great, but I don't seem to notice the boats, half the time - I notice the weather instead, and I seem to mirror it. If it's sunny so am I, and if it's gloomy, well, ditto. If it wasn't a place with some 300 days of sunshine a year, I suspect I'd be in trouble. Apparently I have some degree of seasonal affective disorder anyway, and we knew that, but as autumn has set in and we started having such a thing as non-sunny days, it's been amazing to watch myself react to them. And if the sun so much as peeks out, my gloom lifts, too. Amazing, and kind of scary, that my mood is that fragile.

The last couple of winters I've gone into a pretty bad depression along about February, so it's going to be interesting to see how I hold up as winter goes on, this year when I'm getting out a lot more... In theory, it should help. I mean, when I was unemployed I really didn't go out much, so at least I'm out and about and getting whatever sunlight there is. One way I approach all this is as a big experiment, have you noticed? Well, let's see how this works. On good days, at least, this is my entertainment; on bad days, not so much. But so far I'm hanging in there.


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Oh lord, there's also this one which I found through Cleolinda's comments: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
I like the part about the exoskeleton.

mellicious: pink manicure (baa)
Your Depression Level: 28%

You may be depressed.
While you can be moody, your moods generally fall within the range of normal.
It's up to you to decide if you're depressed... or if you're simply having a bad week.

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